I'm at it again. The worrying, that is. I've developed an obsession with body parts. From about week 6-9 of my pregnancy I was obsessed with my boobs. I was constantly worried with how sore or not sore they were, if they'd gotten bigger, etc. I have no idea how many times I Googled 'breast tenderness'and voraciously read differing opinions on whether or not the lack thereof was a symptom of miscarriage. Finally, after much reassurance from my CNP and others out there in cyberland, I let it go...
...And then I noticed my belly. The first sign of a baby bump came at around 9 weeks or so. I was enamored with this tiny bit of physical evidence of life inside. My work pants started to fit tight and if I wore a stretchy top, my belly fat poked out a bit. But my original delight has faded, and now (when I'm alone)I am constantly doing belly checks. Wasn't it bigger yesterday? Is it getting smaller? Is the baby growing? When will I actually look pregnant instead of slightly chunky?
I weigh myself at the same time each day, but my weight is still all over the place. I get excited when I weigh 1/2 pound more one day, only to find that I've lost a pound the next day. What happens if I don't gain enough weight? My morning sickness has all but disappeared and I'm eating fairly normally again, so I should see some weight gain soon. Maybe my bathroom scale is schizophrenic or something.
Funny, but I thought my days of being a worrywort were over. Before the pregnancy, I had done a lot of work "letting go" in various areas of my life. I believe that was what allowed me to relax enough to finally get pregnant. Seems like watching that plus sign appear on the pregnancy test was all it took to resurrect old demons. Now more than ever, however, I need to RELAX! Easier said than done.
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